its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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