Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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