I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
