im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was born a porn star she said
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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