i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
