She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
