The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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