Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
