my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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