I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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