i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
