he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
