if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
