**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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