Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
