I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
