he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
