A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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