FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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