whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
