I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
