Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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