Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
