Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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