dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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