I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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