another moral hangover. fuck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
