so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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