Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish you could order shots online.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
