I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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