You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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