Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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