Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
