I wanna bring you to show and tell
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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