I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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