What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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