he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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