my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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