I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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