sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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