then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
