Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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