hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
