you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina just clenched in fear
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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