Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
