Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's even glitter on my cock...
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