I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
