I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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