just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
