Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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