on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
